Las Vegas is nicknamed "Sin City" for a reason. Whether you're in town for a bachelor party, convention, or a poker tournament, at some point one of your friends will blurt out, "Let's go to a strip club!".
Be careful and don't tell the doorman at your hotel or your taxi driver to take you to just any strip club. They will not always send you to the best one because they get kickbacks for directing tourists to specific establishments.
Here's a pro tip: if you have a few people with you, negotiate a free ride from your taxi driver. He'll be willing to do it because he gets a bonus per person he drops off. Also, if you have a large group, call up a strip club directly and tell them you have a ten or so wasted guys wanting to have a good time because more often than not, they will arrange for a limo to pick you up. If you get a free ride, don't forget to tip your driver.
Now, here are some of my favorite strip clubs in Las Vegas…
The Spearmint Rhino
You have to visit the Spearmint Rhino at least once in your life. You can tell how good a strip club really is by their afternoon shift. Dancers working the day shifts are usually inexperienced or well past their prime. At the Rhino, their afternoon shift rivals the late night weekend shifts at many of the other joints in town.
The Rhino is in a class unto itself. They have the best crop of dancers… and they know it. We're talking about former models, porn stars, and wannabe Hollywood starlets. The Rhino is the most popular club in Vegas with the hottest girls, which means it is a zoo on the weekends and super crowded.
If you happen to stop by on a week night or during the afternoon, you'll still have an amazing time and have a better dancer-to-client ratio.
The Sapphire is billed as "the largest strip club in the world." I cannot verify that claim, but one thing is certain… Sapphire is massive and the size of a couple of airplane hangars. There are two floors, three major bars, and a specific room for big parties which is significantly larger than the average strip club.
Sapphire also has several VIP suites, a karaoke room, and skyboxes specifically designed to host bachelor parties and other private events. They embrace big sporting events and have specials for Monday Night Football. It's also a great place to watch the big UFC fights.
Due to its size, Sapphire employs the largest stable of dancers in all of Vegas. That means you have a specific taste or fetish, there's a very good chance you will be able to have your fantasies fulfilled by one of their dancers. If you have a very large group, Sapphire is probably the best option for your party crew.
Crazy Horse III
You have to love a strip joint that has had two previous incarnations. If it ain't broke, don't fix it right? The original Crazy Horse was one of the raunchiest clubs in all of Vegas. The Crazy Horse Too is most known as the strip club mentioned in the film Ocean's 11.
Crazy Horse III and the Posh Boutique (an after-hours nightclub) make up the Playground facility just off the Las Vegas Strip. Crazy Horse III looks more like a club than a strip joint, with the exception of the main stage that features a 20-foot pole, where some of the more acrobatic dancers show off their aerial moves.
Most tourists don't go to strip clubs for the food, but the Crazy Horse III has a unique twist because it offers a variety of sushi. If you have a large party, call 702-675-8033 to arrange a limo pick up, but please give them at least 24 hours advance notice.
All of the strip clubs in Las Vegas have a rule… if they serve alcohol, then full nudity is prohibited. Luckily, there are a few exceptions.
Palomino's was grandfathered into the law, which means they offer up a full bar and all the nakedness you desire. You get a glimpse of the wild olden days of Vegas when you could drink to your heart's delight and be surrounded by naked women. I wouldn't necessarily say the dancers are the hottest in Vegas, but they are certainly among the most experienced and they're used to dealing with a rough and tumble crowd.
The Palomino has the Lipstick Lounge, which is a private room upstairs that you can only get to by walking up a large staircase with plush red carpeting.
The only drawbacks? Palomino's is not open 24 hours and is located in North Las Vegas.
When I lived in Las Vegas, my friends loved Cheetah's because locals got in for free (provided you show a Nevada drivers license).
Cheetah's was the strip club featured in Showgirls and it was once the hottest club in town, but it's no longer as hip as some of the newer establishments. These days, Cheetah's is the strip club equivalent of a dive bar. It's dark and dingy and everyone around you is a little older and seriously degenerate, but there's kick-ass music and an anything- goes attitude.
Cheetah's doesn't have a huge stable of dancers, but the ones that work there have been around the block a few times and know how to show you a good time.
I get asked about poker rooms all the time. It's really hard to give someone a specific answer, because much like playing poker, it all “depends” on the situation. What constitutes a good poker room? I'm looking for terrible players with deep pockets, comfortable seats, good and quick dealers, and a knowledgeable floor staff to adjudicate disputes in a swift, fair manner.
Buffets and Las Vegas go hand-in-hand. Buffets represent the best and worst aspects of our self-indulgent culture of overconsumption. If you like to people watch, then a trip to the buffet is like a National Geographic special – spending time in the wildlife watching lions in the Serengeti feast on gazelles.
You're in downtown Las Vegas and either got really drunk and a taxi dropped you off there, or you opted to let your friend book a cheap vacation and ended up at one of the many seedy no-tell motels on East Fremont. Well do not fear, I have a couple of things you can do while you're slumming in Downtown Vegas…
When I was a kid, my parents told me they saw Elvis Presley perform in Las Vegas, so from a very young age I associated Las Vegas with musical spectacles and over-the-top performances. The King has been dead for several decades, but the modern-day headliners in Sin City are still heavyweights like Celine Dion and Elton John.
An entire culture in Las Vegas exists around pool parties. There's been a big push to capitalize on "day clubs" or massive gatherings poolside with lots of booze, lots of skin, and lots of loud music.
Las Vegas is one of the few places in America in which you can legally place a sports bet. You don't have to worry about getting scammed by an offshore book or dealing with shady local bookies. If you're a fan of any major sport or horse racing, you'll be able to wager on the outcome at different sports books in Las Vegas.
If you're visiting Las Vegas for an extended period of time, you might want to break up your holiday by scheduling a side trip. Las Vegas is a pretty crazy place and excessive indulgence has ruined too many people, which is why you sometimes need a vacation away from your Las Vegas vacation.
We've all hit the low point at some point in Las Vegas when you ran bad and lost all your money, whether it was the bad end of variance at the poker table or an annoying dealer cold-decked you at blackjack.